Every 11 November, Singles' Day rolls around — a date that began in China and got its meaning from the digits themselves: 11/11 looks like four people standing on their own, no plus-ones required. What started as an anti-Valentine's of sorts has since morphed into the world's biggest online shopping event, but the original idea behind it is worth reclaiming: a full, interesting life doesn't require a partner.
That's the argument Morgan Penn, a sexologist and co-host of the Sex.Life podcast, makes in a personal reflection written after five years of being single — a stretch that included plenty of dates, one situationship, a few short relationships and the heartbreak that came with refusing to settle. She wanted the ordinary stuff of coupledom as much as anyone: Sunday trips to Bunnings, a hand on the beach walk, someone else assembling the flat-pack furniture. Waiting for the right fit was sometimes lonely. But the years taught her something she thinks we've got backwards.
Her core point: somewhere along the way, being single became a problem to explain. "Are you seeing anyone?" tends to be one of the first questions a single person gets, followed by the raised eyebrow of "so, what's wrong with you?" Penn wants that narrative retired. Being single is a legitimate way to live, not a holding pattern before the real thing starts.
She's honest about the trade-offs, too. The world really is built for pairs, it's more expensive solo, and dating apps can feel like hunting for the one decent car park at a busy supermarket. But the upsides get less airtime: total freedom over your own decisions, the ability to book a trip, change careers or move cities without negotiating, dinner at 9pm, sleeping diagonally, and not sharing your chips. There's also the chance to understand your own desires — what you enjoy, what makes you feel confident and connected to your body — without those answers being filtered through someone else's preferences.
Penn isn't arguing that singledom beats couplehood, or that happily single people must be fiercely independent and immune to loneliness. You can love your freedom and still want a cuddle; both can be true. Real empowerment, she suggests, is wanting a relationship without needing one to feel valid — so that if someone great does turn up, they add to a life that already means something. Her suggestion for the day itself is refreshingly low-key: take yourself on a date, order the expensive dessert, call your friends, or just stay in pyjamas with a takeaway. Any of it counts.
Why does this matter to travellers? Because a holiday is one of the clearest expressions of the freedom Penn describes — and solo travel is one of the best ways to build a life that feels genuinely yours, partner or not. Singles' Day is as good an excuse as any to book the trip you've been waiting for someone else to take with you.
